In our third and final installment of Aidan Koch’s series on alternative eReaders, we have perhaps the most inconvenient of all. This non-existent technological wonder is based on the noble tradition of ticker tape, the earliest digital communications medium. Old-school ticker tape tracked rising and falling stock prices, and the Ticker Tape Reader mimics the same frantic pace and unavoidable paper trail. If you happen to trip on your book, it’s a small price to pay for indulging in the disappearing pleasures of the truly analog. The undeniable je ne sais quoi of your ever-growing paper nest will outweigh the pitfalls of any paper cuts. Possible secondary uses: a hide-out for any bank robbery situations or high school teacher run-ins. One final warning, however: myopic pigeons may mistake your newest read for their home. Be sure to check out our other eReaders here.