Spoken quotes from the week’s news in dialogue form.
A and B, dressed in ambiguous period garb, dine together at a ritzy restaurant.
A: To a kidney stone of a decade!
B: It doesn’t look like the sky has fallen in!
They clink their glasses.
A: Of course sometimes shit go down when there’s a billion dollars on an elevator.
B: Bitch, I’m a PartieBoi. I got a bottle of Captain Morgan in my hand…
B slouches.
B: Does it look like I’m passed out?
A: Nah.
A long beat.
A: I’m drawn to a bubbling tray of lasagna.
B: I’m drawn to repressed men.
A: Fair enough! There’s a little bit of a fascist in all of us.
B: To wit! As long as you have the right connections and funding you can make anything you want happen.
A: It took Ronald Reagan to explain how simple the whole thing was.
B: To wit! I get to come in here and act like I own the place and run it 24 hours a day.
A appears unimpressed.
A: A monkey pressed the button…
B:… but I did all the setting up.
A: You are here because the outside world rejects you.
B: Sylvester, please, not so rough.
Another long beat.
A: Raise your hands if you’re a father and got a kid at home.
A raises his glass in the air.
B: You are the best dad I could ever wish for. I had the last golden childhood.
A: Women are smarter than men.
A and B (in unison): To wit!