Imagined Conversations (7.7.14)

Spoken quotes from the week’s news in dialogue form.

A: She did not seem to understand we were talking about a comedy book and not the transcripts from the Nuremberg Trial.

B: That hamster was going to start appearing in press conferences.

A: Right? For selfish reasons, I wish she’d decided to spend more time being a genius.

B: Obviously. Efficiency is great for U.S. Steel, but it doesn’t necessarily make sense for books.

A: Right…

B (continues): It makes sense that we would be the ones searching most urgently for models that bring wages in line with the times. We’re the ones asked to do more professional-quality reporting, faster, to reach expanding audiences, even as the budgets to produce that work shrink.

(A flips through some printouts.)

B (continues): There are a lot of us and we use every inch.

(A tosses his printouts into the air.)

A: Wait! I don’t know my lines!

B (continues): It makes little difference. By the time the Border Patrol comes out here, [we’ll] be in Houston, Texas, having a Tecate beer.

A: …a bunch of old sons of bitches…

B (continues): The talk is all about duty, sacrifice and martyrdom. We will support the United States in anything they decide to do.

A: My confession to you is that I am the quickest pisser in the house. I will definitely vote yes.

B surveys A.

B: Your replacements happen to be white and blond.