Spoken quotes from the week’s news in dialogue form.
A: Please, don’t eat me. Look in your heart, don’t eat me.
B: OK, but I’m trying to help you.
A: The way you can help me is don’t eat me.
B: But how is that helping you? How is that helping you? Explain to me how that is helping you!
A: You don’t know what you’re doing. Why eat me? Me? I’m an extremely progressive liberal and the best kind. I give out alcohol, of unknown origin, as Christmas presents. I make all my interns read the most quirky things.
A: Millennials tell us it’s what they want.
B: Millenials…one of the best generations.
A: One of the best generations we’ve ever had.
B: …
A: …
B: …
B: Listen, even after you’ve become a cadaver, you’re still retrievable. God is within us and he has different ways of showing it in our lives, and this is just one way of showing it.
A: Don’t eat—
B: —My friend sent you to me, assuring me that I can use you freely…
A: You don’t know what you’re doing! It’s immoral!
B: Please, that’s very dramatic.
A: …