Though Bukowski once had a weekend-long affair that emerged out of a written correspondence, Patricia Connell was not that particular woman. A handful of letters between the two shows some vague inklings of romantic interest on Bukowski’s part, though it’s never clear if those hopes finally come to fruition and they finally meet. In any case, the poet shows consistent candor about his haphazard romances and views on relationships.
August 21. 1972
It’s noon, slight hangover, coffee on, going to Santa Monica soon to see my daughter—she’s 7. Yes, I suppose we should meet. I lay claim to being the world’s ugliest man. Perhaps we can meet, hate each other right off and get it done with.
A relationship without love is comfortable because you are always in control if the other person loves you. But the one who is in love really has the benefits because (he) (she) is thriving, throbbing, vibrating. I would certainly rather be in love if I had a choice but one doesn’t always have this choice. I’ve only been in love twice in 52 years.
For a person who is supposedly afraid of people you are very open with me. And it would take guts to meet me. It would not be an easy thing. I don’t think you have too much fear of people.
I’ve been going with Liza since May 2nd when Linda and I split. I jumped right out of one bed and into another. I suppose that makes me a bastard. I don’t like to sleep alone.
We could have a friendship. Or let it start that way if it wanted to. Sex is damned nice but not necessary. A Thursday evening might be nice. But I won’t want to drink too much because I have to drive back and already have one drunk driving rap. Liza goes out and has drinks and dinner with these 2 guys every Thursday night. Yes, I have a nightly vigil by Liza’s side as you say. But there aren’t any chains on me. I just don’t want to mess her up. If you and I ever got anything going she would have to fall by the way. But it seems senseless to hurt her without that. She’s a record company exec. and plenty of men are after her. I’m rather honored that she preferred me to all the young handsome men but she’ll hardly be alone if we ever split.
A little luck in the mail today. A German publisher wants to translate Erections, Ejaculations, Exhibitions and General Tales of Ordinary Madness into the Hun. But we’re waiting on Rowolt—the largest German publisher—and if they go it I won’t be driving that 62 Comet much longer.
I enjoy your letters very much. Get relaxing with that Bloody Mary soon and tell me some more things.
From Charles Bukowski: Living on Luck: Selected Letters 1960s-1970s, Volume 2. Edited by Seamus Cooney.Santa Rosa: Black Sparrow Press, 1995.
FURTHER READING
For a review of Barry Miles’s biography Charles Bukowski, click here.